A friend sent this to me this morning.
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be . . Puhl eeeeee eze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."
Mid -life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.
Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm stick ing to it!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Today - Everything Else is Trivial
This morning, two minutes before the alarm was to go off, I woke up. Turned the alarm off (no need to hear THAT) and turned on the 5:00am news. The first story I heard was was killed last evening on his motorcycle in the Village of Camillus. This man is someone I work(ed) with. A person I went to often to ask questions, validate my interpretation of a network system situation. He was patient, he took time to explain things. He was so knowledgeable. A kind, gentleman with a sense of humor. He was 30 years old.
The accident was literally in my backyard. I hear the emergency sounds all the time to the point that I probably don't hear all of them. This one I remembered. This one I heard the sound before the actual "scream" from the fire station that someone needed help. I remember last night thinking "this one is awfully close." and "I've heard the crew working for a while." Why did I notice this one?
Words cannot describe the loss, the sadness the disbelief my fellow colleagues and I feel today. I do not know his wife. How sad I will meet her at the calling hours.
The accident was literally in my backyard. I hear the emergency sounds all the time to the point that I probably don't hear all of them. This one I remembered. This one I heard the sound before the actual "scream" from the fire station that someone needed help. I remember last night thinking "this one is awfully close." and "I've heard the crew working for a while." Why did I notice this one?
Words cannot describe the loss, the sadness the disbelief my fellow colleagues and I feel today. I do not know his wife. How sad I will meet her at the calling hours.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
House
So this is it. Starting this weekend, that's tomorrow, we move "B" into a senior living facility. My house is a disaster. "B" is beside herself. She's a little embarassed with her belongs stewn about, out in the open being sorted and stacked. I have to go through each piece of paper to make sure nothing important is "sandwitched" in. I found insurance policies in between Haband (you know these ads from the Sunday paper) offers. Pictures of "S", "T" and "L" I've never seen before. But this is not what this post is about.
As I poured through B's papers (I threw away 8 grocery bags of paper waste), frustrated, tired and overwhelmed in 90+ heat with humidity so high it made my chest heavy breathing I found this:
You tell me that I'm getting old;
I tell you that's not so.
The "house" I live in is worn out,
And that, of course, I know
It's been in use a long, long while;
It's weathered many a gale,
I'm really not surprised you think
It is getting somewhat frail.
The color's changing on the roof;
The windows getting dim,
The walls a bit transparent
And looking rather thin.
The foundation's not so steady
As once it used to be
My "house" is getting shaky,
But my "house" isn't me.
My few short years can't make me old;
I feel I'm in my youth.
Eternity lies just ahead,
A life of joy and truth.
I'm going to live forever there;
Life will go on-It's grand.
You tell me I am getting old?
You just don't understand.
The dweller in my little "house"
Is young and bright and gay,
Just starting on a life to last
Throughout eternal day.
You only see the outside,
Which is all that most folks see.
You tell me that I am getting old?
You've mixed my "house" with me.
author unknown
My load was lifted.
Love to all.
As I poured through B's papers (I threw away 8 grocery bags of paper waste), frustrated, tired and overwhelmed in 90+ heat with humidity so high it made my chest heavy breathing I found this:
You tell me that I'm getting old;
I tell you that's not so.
The "house" I live in is worn out,
And that, of course, I know
It's been in use a long, long while;
It's weathered many a gale,
I'm really not surprised you think
It is getting somewhat frail.
The color's changing on the roof;
The windows getting dim,
The walls a bit transparent
And looking rather thin.
The foundation's not so steady
As once it used to be
My "house" is getting shaky,
But my "house" isn't me.
My few short years can't make me old;
I feel I'm in my youth.
Eternity lies just ahead,
A life of joy and truth.
I'm going to live forever there;
Life will go on-It's grand.
You tell me I am getting old?
You just don't understand.
The dweller in my little "house"
Is young and bright and gay,
Just starting on a life to last
Throughout eternal day.
You only see the outside,
Which is all that most folks see.
You tell me that I am getting old?
You've mixed my "house" with me.
author unknown
My load was lifted.
Love to all.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Life In The Fast Lane
The meeting/evaluation went very well on Friday. By a stroke of luck an apartment at Greenpoint will be available for Barb within the MONTH!!! It usually takes months on a waiting list. Barb is excited and overwhelmed. This is a great apartment. It is one of the larger 1 bedroom, with balcony apartments. She will be on the main floor where the activities and dining room are. It is a good walk as she is down the hall a bit. Since she knows at least one person from church living there, she will not feel alone. This facility is also 5 blocks from where she lived for over 40 years. I'd place my last dime on the line that she will know someone else once she moves in, being from that part of town.
Some of the activities include, choir, arts & crafts, cards (including pinnocle), exercise classes (yoga, chair, aerobics, and the arthritis foundation comes in as well with their exercises), daily happy hour (I wonder if I qualify to live here?), weekly outings (casino, restaurants, shopping). There is also a hairdresser and bus transportation (the facility's) to get her to doctor appointments. But it's the Arthur Murray dance lessons (twice a month) that caught her attention. To go along with the dance lessons there is an outing once a month to LeMoyne Manor for a buffet and big band dancing. Barb's question, in all seriousness, "Well, are there any MEN???" :-)
The part that had Terry and I most concerned is the med management. Barb sets her pills up with no problem. She knows EXACTLY what each drug is and what the side-affects are. The problem lies with her not taking them the same time each day. We also see meds strewn about the house. There are pills in two different dressers, the bathroom, her sitting room and on her dressers. She has also put them in old Rx bottles with the labels removed. The facility has a machine that they set up for 20 days of meds. At the same time each day a cup will dispense and fill with the meds. If she does not pull the cup out within a certain time limit, the machine calls her PHONE. When she answers there will be a recording "Take Your Meds, Take Your Meds." If she does not answer the phone, someone will be dispatched to her room. I just can't give her that. The facility also takes care of all the refills and Rx renewals. Especially nice during harsh winter storms.
It is overwhelming at the home front at the moment. I sat down with her last night and showed her how much of her treasures and storage units (credenzas, dressers, coffee table, file cabinets, bookcases etc.) she will be able to take with her. And it's quite a bit! I also showed her how instead of using boxes to store out of season clothes we will use the vacuum space bags and switch them out seasonally. They will be in her apartment. She can see them, she'll know they are there and that is important. There are more kitchen cabinets in her apartment than my house. Barb will not be doing *any* cooking. She will have a microwave, toaster and a 4 cup coffee maker. Her breakfast and dinner are in the main diningroom. They want the residents up and started with their day. This will be a major shift in Barb's routine. In 7 years she has not used the stove at home, no need to start now. So most of the cabinets can also be used for spacebag storage of clothes. She'll have a few plates, glasses and silverware. Barb does like the Lean Cuisine dinners. We'll make sure these are always in her freezer. These are good for lunch. Mostly, though, she has a yogurt. I explained that she will have everything she needs and most of what she wants. We will move all the needs when we initially move her. We will not be going anywhere until Spring 2008 so it's not like our house has to be emptied in 2 weeks (God forbid!!)so we'll get her her wants (to a point). Included in her rent is weekly housekeeping. Seriously, when can I sign up??? I am taking the last week in June off to work with her as well as every night I'm home. Still have to kick it up the Bunko and Bookclub Babes.
Now to the fun part. Laurie S has suggested we have an afternoon tea for Barb. This is a major life change. All her life she has either lived in her parent's home, her husband's home or her son's home. Barb is actually moving into her first own apartment. It will be a foo-foo kind of afternoon with petit-fours, teacakes, finger sandwiches and church ladies. I'm not sure quite how to word the invite to include gift suggestions for what she may need. I have a list. Do I just include it in the invite??? For all you folks in Virginia or way north of the city or way out northwest how about joining us via web-cam? Unless you can come in person :-) We do want to keep this a surprise. The date is June 30th at 2:00. I think it will be nice for her to feel special and in the limelight for a couple of hours.
I believe we will see a more vibrant Barb emerge. She is home all day, everyday with no one to talk with and no one to do the things she will now have available.
Hugs to all,
Debbie
Some of the activities include, choir, arts & crafts, cards (including pinnocle), exercise classes (yoga, chair, aerobics, and the arthritis foundation comes in as well with their exercises), daily happy hour (I wonder if I qualify to live here?), weekly outings (casino, restaurants, shopping). There is also a hairdresser and bus transportation (the facility's) to get her to doctor appointments. But it's the Arthur Murray dance lessons (twice a month) that caught her attention. To go along with the dance lessons there is an outing once a month to LeMoyne Manor for a buffet and big band dancing. Barb's question, in all seriousness, "Well, are there any MEN???" :-)
The part that had Terry and I most concerned is the med management. Barb sets her pills up with no problem. She knows EXACTLY what each drug is and what the side-affects are. The problem lies with her not taking them the same time each day. We also see meds strewn about the house. There are pills in two different dressers, the bathroom, her sitting room and on her dressers. She has also put them in old Rx bottles with the labels removed. The facility has a machine that they set up for 20 days of meds. At the same time each day a cup will dispense and fill with the meds. If she does not pull the cup out within a certain time limit, the machine calls her PHONE. When she answers there will be a recording "Take Your Meds, Take Your Meds." If she does not answer the phone, someone will be dispatched to her room. I just can't give her that. The facility also takes care of all the refills and Rx renewals. Especially nice during harsh winter storms.
It is overwhelming at the home front at the moment. I sat down with her last night and showed her how much of her treasures and storage units (credenzas, dressers, coffee table, file cabinets, bookcases etc.) she will be able to take with her. And it's quite a bit! I also showed her how instead of using boxes to store out of season clothes we will use the vacuum space bags and switch them out seasonally. They will be in her apartment. She can see them, she'll know they are there and that is important. There are more kitchen cabinets in her apartment than my house. Barb will not be doing *any* cooking. She will have a microwave, toaster and a 4 cup coffee maker. Her breakfast and dinner are in the main diningroom. They want the residents up and started with their day. This will be a major shift in Barb's routine. In 7 years she has not used the stove at home, no need to start now. So most of the cabinets can also be used for spacebag storage of clothes. She'll have a few plates, glasses and silverware. Barb does like the Lean Cuisine dinners. We'll make sure these are always in her freezer. These are good for lunch. Mostly, though, she has a yogurt. I explained that she will have everything she needs and most of what she wants. We will move all the needs when we initially move her. We will not be going anywhere until Spring 2008 so it's not like our house has to be emptied in 2 weeks (God forbid!!)so we'll get her her wants (to a point). Included in her rent is weekly housekeeping. Seriously, when can I sign up??? I am taking the last week in June off to work with her as well as every night I'm home. Still have to kick it up the Bunko and Bookclub Babes.
Now to the fun part. Laurie S has suggested we have an afternoon tea for Barb. This is a major life change. All her life she has either lived in her parent's home, her husband's home or her son's home. Barb is actually moving into her first own apartment. It will be a foo-foo kind of afternoon with petit-fours, teacakes, finger sandwiches and church ladies. I'm not sure quite how to word the invite to include gift suggestions for what she may need. I have a list. Do I just include it in the invite??? For all you folks in Virginia or way north of the city or way out northwest how about joining us via web-cam? Unless you can come in person :-) We do want to keep this a surprise. The date is June 30th at 2:00. I think it will be nice for her to feel special and in the limelight for a couple of hours.
I believe we will see a more vibrant Barb emerge. She is home all day, everyday with no one to talk with and no one to do the things she will now have available.
Hugs to all,
Debbie
Friday, June 8, 2007
Moving On
This afternoon we have a nurse coming to evaluate my mother-in-law. At her request she would like to move into a senior living community. This is a very healthy move for her and us. She needs social stimulation. Everyone does better when you have daily interaction with people. Right now Barb is living in a vegetative state (well close). Her conversation at dinner the other night revolved around an orange tabby in the front yard that went to the back yard and into the woods. That was her highlight. Not good. Granted, Barb has been out to lunch and dinner 3 days a week for the last 2, but that is a one on one and it's over in a couple of hours (2 is the average).
Barb is having difficulty with her med management. She can set her pills up properly but lately we've noticed pills here and there or not taken. Barb will start to take them, get distracted (letting a cat out, getting a drink), THINKS she has taken them and never does. One of the services will be med management. The staff will make sure she takes her meds at specified times. We believe this will improve her focusing skills.
The facility will offer her daily activities, outings and even meals are in the central dining area so she will be among peers. Barb knows at least one person there who is very outgoing, so it's only a matter of time before she will have new friends.
So in about an hour the process begins of getting Barb in an enviroment suited for her needs.
Barb is having difficulty with her med management. She can set her pills up properly but lately we've noticed pills here and there or not taken. Barb will start to take them, get distracted (letting a cat out, getting a drink), THINKS she has taken them and never does. One of the services will be med management. The staff will make sure she takes her meds at specified times. We believe this will improve her focusing skills.
The facility will offer her daily activities, outings and even meals are in the central dining area so she will be among peers. Barb knows at least one person there who is very outgoing, so it's only a matter of time before she will have new friends.
So in about an hour the process begins of getting Barb in an enviroment suited for her needs.
Monday, June 4, 2007
It's A Boy
Terry and I were out driving around on Friday evening. He had to make a delivery to one of his customers about 45 minutes from our home. I decided to go along for the ride. Besides Terry said maybe we could stop for dinner along the way - ooohhh twist my arm.
As we were driving I was looking at houses. Across the front door was a bright blue streamer - IT'S A BOY!!!!! It took my breath away.
The day before, on May 31, 2007, William Lane "C" was delivered and placed in the palm of his mother's hand. He was already in the arms of the Lord.
This was the 3rd miscarriage for my daughter. It just doesn't seem fair. One at 8, 12 and now 16.5 weeks. We already knew it was a boy 3 weeks prior. WHY was this one taken from us???? No, it is not for the best. The best would have to have the baby. Three weeks ago it was developing normally. Right size, right activity. Everything was perfect.
So my daughter and her family left the hospital. Josh(4) pushing her in the wheelchair (almost took out an orderly) and she carrying the Shrek glass with the hand picked flowers Ben and Josh picked that morning. There was also a handmade card from them. They will survive, but from that day forward William will always be in their hearts and ours.
Peace
As we were driving I was looking at houses. Across the front door was a bright blue streamer - IT'S A BOY!!!!! It took my breath away.
The day before, on May 31, 2007, William Lane "C" was delivered and placed in the palm of his mother's hand. He was already in the arms of the Lord.
This was the 3rd miscarriage for my daughter. It just doesn't seem fair. One at 8, 12 and now 16.5 weeks. We already knew it was a boy 3 weeks prior. WHY was this one taken from us???? No, it is not for the best. The best would have to have the baby. Three weeks ago it was developing normally. Right size, right activity. Everything was perfect.
So my daughter and her family left the hospital. Josh(4) pushing her in the wheelchair (almost took out an orderly) and she carrying the Shrek glass with the hand picked flowers Ben and Josh picked that morning. There was also a handmade card from them. They will survive, but from that day forward William will always be in their hearts and ours.
Peace
Monday, May 7, 2007
Do You Have Beauty?
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Out of the Mouths of Babes
Sunday my daughter/husband and 2 boys (4 & 6) came over for dinner. We took a hike in the backyard/woods. The property butting against ours is owned by an Alpaca farm. I had contacted the owner to see if we could go exploring to see the alpacas. The land is posted so I didn't want to intrude. The owner was out of town, I had called her cell #. She told me sure, go ahead. Mostly its posted so kids don't party there.
"J" and "B" said they look kinda like a llama and kinda like a sheep. Smart kids
I made roast "beast", treetops (broccolli), smashed potatoes. "W" brought a beautiful fruit pizza for dessert. As my family was pulling out of the driveway "B" (who is 6) said "I don't think Oma understands what a good cook she is. Someone should tell her."
A week later, I'm still smiling. :-)
"J" and "B" said they look kinda like a llama and kinda like a sheep. Smart kids
I made roast "beast", treetops (broccolli), smashed potatoes. "W" brought a beautiful fruit pizza for dessert. As my family was pulling out of the driveway "B" (who is 6) said "I don't think Oma understands what a good cook she is. Someone should tell her."
A week later, I'm still smiling. :-)
Monday, April 16, 2007
Hug the One Your With
Today is one of the saddest I can remember. The loss of 30+ students at Virginia Tech today has hit me very hard. Maybe it's because I work at a major university and I know these kids. Or maybe because my daughter is in college or maybe it's because I'm a mom. How does a parent get over the loss of a child in any circumstance? But this???!!!
If your child is close by, give them a hug. If they are not, call them and tell them you love them.
Chancellor Nancy Cantor sent out the following words of condolence.
Today the Virginia Tech campus, the higher education community and our entire nation have witnessed a tragic event of unimaginable proportions.
Moments ago, I sent a message of condolence and support on behalf of Syracuse University to Virginia Tech President Charles Steger. I offered our deepest condolences and sympathies on the tragedy his university has suffered and told him that SU’s thoughts are with the Virginia Tech family during this extremely sad and tragic time. I also indicated that today’s events are amplified for us, as we faced immense grief and loss ourselves almost 20 years ago during the Pam Am Flight 103 tragedy.
At times like these, we are brought together in sadness to understand how something so senseless can happen. We feel angry, confused, and even frightened. That is why it is important for us to be there for one another.
Amen
If your child is close by, give them a hug. If they are not, call them and tell them you love them.
Chancellor Nancy Cantor sent out the following words of condolence.
Today the Virginia Tech campus, the higher education community and our entire nation have witnessed a tragic event of unimaginable proportions.
Moments ago, I sent a message of condolence and support on behalf of Syracuse University to Virginia Tech President Charles Steger. I offered our deepest condolences and sympathies on the tragedy his university has suffered and told him that SU’s thoughts are with the Virginia Tech family during this extremely sad and tragic time. I also indicated that today’s events are amplified for us, as we faced immense grief and loss ourselves almost 20 years ago during the Pam Am Flight 103 tragedy.
At times like these, we are brought together in sadness to understand how something so senseless can happen. We feel angry, confused, and even frightened. That is why it is important for us to be there for one another.
Amen
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Taking the Puppies for a Walk
I decided to take the puppies for a walk (they are forever puppies) by
myself. "T" had banged up his knee pretty bad earlier in the day. Roxie and Link are 2 mini-longed hair dauchshounds. Roxie was going KA-RAZY when she saw the leash. She was hopping, bouncing, throwing her head back, crying. "Take me, Take me, Take me!" Link realized something was going on and joined in the excitement, although he was clueless. Armed with two plastic bags, sneakers on and dogs leashed up and ready to go we sent out for what I hoped to be at least a mile walk.
Didn't even get out of the driveway and Roxie dug her heals in. Didn't
want to move. I figured out if *I* run backwards she'll move too. This can be fun to watch since I have difficulty walking a straight line facing forward. A boy came out of the house 2 houses down from us, just before the hill/bend in the road, and they both barked LOUDLY. Scared the kid. I told him it's ok they're on a
leash. He realized that eventually but was really shookened up. Less
than 22 pounds combined of fierce fury, granted their bark can be intimidating. Finally calmed the dogs down explaining they don't own the road. They settled down and we started on our walk again. Of course each dog wants to go in their own direction. If they decide to walk together they cross leads. I'm just about to head up the hill and Roxie breaks free of her leash. She crouched down until I picked her up. Thank goodness it was her and not Link. He would have seized the moment. Those tiny legs can MOVE. This breed are incredibly fast sprinters. OK, enough of this fun and frivolity. Head back home. They both managed to get their entire undersides completed coated in wet road dirt. I was pretty well coated in mud as well since I carried Roxie home. Got them home, cleaned their underside and called it an intense 10 minute workout.
myself. "T" had banged up his knee pretty bad earlier in the day. Roxie and Link are 2 mini-longed hair dauchshounds. Roxie was going KA-RAZY when she saw the leash. She was hopping, bouncing, throwing her head back, crying. "Take me, Take me, Take me!" Link realized something was going on and joined in the excitement, although he was clueless. Armed with two plastic bags, sneakers on and dogs leashed up and ready to go we sent out for what I hoped to be at least a mile walk.
Didn't even get out of the driveway and Roxie dug her heals in. Didn't
want to move. I figured out if *I* run backwards she'll move too. This can be fun to watch since I have difficulty walking a straight line facing forward. A boy came out of the house 2 houses down from us, just before the hill/bend in the road, and they both barked LOUDLY. Scared the kid. I told him it's ok they're on a
leash. He realized that eventually but was really shookened up. Less
than 22 pounds combined of fierce fury, granted their bark can be intimidating. Finally calmed the dogs down explaining they don't own the road. They settled down and we started on our walk again. Of course each dog wants to go in their own direction. If they decide to walk together they cross leads. I'm just about to head up the hill and Roxie breaks free of her leash. She crouched down until I picked her up. Thank goodness it was her and not Link. He would have seized the moment. Those tiny legs can MOVE. This breed are incredibly fast sprinters. OK, enough of this fun and frivolity. Head back home. They both managed to get their entire undersides completed coated in wet road dirt. I was pretty well coated in mud as well since I carried Roxie home. Got them home, cleaned their underside and called it an intense 10 minute workout.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Baby Steps to Apartments
The whole concept of raising children is so that eventually the child is self-sufficient. This child whom you've loved since the first fleeting thought "I think I might be pregnant." The mom, she's the first to know.
I wrote the following piece about 7 years ago when "A" was entering the teen years. I felt alone trying to balance when to challenge and when to "just let it go. wait for the bigger stuff."
"A" is in her second year of college. She just moved into her own apartment - out of the resident hall on campus. Residence halls still have an adult monitoring and making the rules. Off-campus housing does not. It's another growing pain for both of us. Mostly me and her dad. "A" has a new boyfriend we haven't met. Decent looking guy and they both look very happy. He's a serious student, so I depend on what I always have with her in the past. Trust. Trust is our foundation and it's solid. But it still is a difficult step. I'll quit babbling and print my journal entry from 1999.
WHERE’S THE MOMMY AND ME CLASSES NOW???
Remember the comparisons and pressures of whether or not your child was developing at a “normal” rate. Did she/he roll over yet? Did she/he cut their first tooth, unroll an entire roll of toilet paper, pull all the tupperware out, figure out how to place the geometric shapes in the ball? How many items did you loose this week being flushed down the toilet? Mine was up all night, just crying. Maybe it’s just “the growing pains”, the teething, not wanting to deal with the “mean” kid at daycare. There she was with pink frosting all over the front of her, in her hair and all over her mouth. I asked her “who had a little taste of the birthday cake?" ”Not me" was the response. Why are these little white lies so adorable? The “terrible twos”; “the curious threes”; the confirmation from friends, family, neighbors that your child is developing at “normal” rate is a great comfort. Knowing you were in good company was reassuring. There was also the good times at the playground, the first snowman built, going to the movies to see Disney’s Little Mermaid, reading PAT THE BUNNY and POOH. Did you get the sense these bonding moments would carry you and your child right up until they left for college? After all, we were building sound foundations for their growth and development.
Then the teenage years begin or if you have an early bloomer the tweener (ages 9-12) years. Did you get the “what planet are you from” look yet? You’ll know when you do. The tweener/teen believe everything that is theirs is theirs and everything of yours is theirs makeup, toolkits, food meant to last more than a week and it’s gone before you unpack it from the grocery store. Did she/he look you right in the eye and tell you a lie? Reminiscent of the birthday cake, but from this young person standing in front of you, it’s no longer adorable. Have you heard more excuses for being late, homework not done, can’t get off the phone ‘cause this is really important than you can possibly count?
My teen was up all night crying because she just doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere. The “growing pains.” Maybe she doesn’t want to deal with “mean” kid in the lunch room that yells out nasty things to her, or the struggle with calculus, the same kids getting picked first for volleyball, or class president (same one EVERY year). She keeps asking “Mom, please don’t tell me high school is the best time of your life. If it is, I’m doomed.” You’ve heard the sound of pity from friends and family when you tell them you have a teenager at home. “Ahhhh, yeah, been there. Good luck.” Geesh, that didn’t sound encouraging at all. The bonding moments end up being you’ll meet each other at a designated time and spot at the mall, taxing them from here to there with explicit instructions to not utter a word and embarrass them. Family vacations now include a friend so they are not bored. The people from a few years ago express support with mumbled voices “hopefully we’ll all get through this.”
The truth is, there is no difference between the 2 year old and the 13 year old. At both times your child is looking for your guidance and support. Your teenager is using the same method of reassurance that worked a decade ago albeit slightly more sophisticated and imaginative. They are trying to figure out what their boundaries are again. Where they belong. Your teenager wants and needs your unconditional love, just like before. They are discovering the world around them and in the course of learning some of these lessons there is a mess to clean up. Literally and figuratively. Consider how you reacted when your two year old flushed the third non-flushable item down the toilet in the last day. Consider the 13 year old who is doing the laundry and puts 45 pounds of clothes in at once – hey it’s faster and uses less water! It is a time of discovery. Not just for your teen, but for you. Read a book together, whether it’s aloud or you discuss a book read in silence. Take long rides. No one can just leave. And talk and talk and talk. Ask questions that begin, “So tell me about….” And “What do you think about…..?” Don’t stop. Don’t give up. You did build a good foundation and it’s time to build the next floor.
If there is a group MOMMMMy and ME group for this age group, please let me know.
By the way, "A" called today. Wanted to know how much ricotta to use in lasagna. :-)
I wrote the following piece about 7 years ago when "A" was entering the teen years. I felt alone trying to balance when to challenge and when to "just let it go. wait for the bigger stuff."
"A" is in her second year of college. She just moved into her own apartment - out of the resident hall on campus. Residence halls still have an adult monitoring and making the rules. Off-campus housing does not. It's another growing pain for both of us. Mostly me and her dad. "A" has a new boyfriend we haven't met. Decent looking guy and they both look very happy. He's a serious student, so I depend on what I always have with her in the past. Trust. Trust is our foundation and it's solid. But it still is a difficult step. I'll quit babbling and print my journal entry from 1999.
WHERE’S THE MOMMY AND ME CLASSES NOW???
Remember the comparisons and pressures of whether or not your child was developing at a “normal” rate. Did she/he roll over yet? Did she/he cut their first tooth, unroll an entire roll of toilet paper, pull all the tupperware out, figure out how to place the geometric shapes in the ball? How many items did you loose this week being flushed down the toilet? Mine was up all night, just crying. Maybe it’s just “the growing pains”, the teething, not wanting to deal with the “mean” kid at daycare. There she was with pink frosting all over the front of her, in her hair and all over her mouth. I asked her “who had a little taste of the birthday cake?" ”Not me" was the response. Why are these little white lies so adorable? The “terrible twos”; “the curious threes”; the confirmation from friends, family, neighbors that your child is developing at “normal” rate is a great comfort. Knowing you were in good company was reassuring. There was also the good times at the playground, the first snowman built, going to the movies to see Disney’s Little Mermaid, reading PAT THE BUNNY and POOH. Did you get the sense these bonding moments would carry you and your child right up until they left for college? After all, we were building sound foundations for their growth and development.
Then the teenage years begin or if you have an early bloomer the tweener (ages 9-12) years. Did you get the “what planet are you from” look yet? You’ll know when you do. The tweener/teen believe everything that is theirs is theirs and everything of yours is theirs makeup, toolkits, food meant to last more than a week and it’s gone before you unpack it from the grocery store. Did she/he look you right in the eye and tell you a lie? Reminiscent of the birthday cake, but from this young person standing in front of you, it’s no longer adorable. Have you heard more excuses for being late, homework not done, can’t get off the phone ‘cause this is really important than you can possibly count?
My teen was up all night crying because she just doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere. The “growing pains.” Maybe she doesn’t want to deal with “mean” kid in the lunch room that yells out nasty things to her, or the struggle with calculus, the same kids getting picked first for volleyball, or class president (same one EVERY year). She keeps asking “Mom, please don’t tell me high school is the best time of your life. If it is, I’m doomed.” You’ve heard the sound of pity from friends and family when you tell them you have a teenager at home. “Ahhhh, yeah, been there. Good luck.” Geesh, that didn’t sound encouraging at all. The bonding moments end up being you’ll meet each other at a designated time and spot at the mall, taxing them from here to there with explicit instructions to not utter a word and embarrass them. Family vacations now include a friend so they are not bored. The people from a few years ago express support with mumbled voices “hopefully we’ll all get through this.”
The truth is, there is no difference between the 2 year old and the 13 year old. At both times your child is looking for your guidance and support. Your teenager is using the same method of reassurance that worked a decade ago albeit slightly more sophisticated and imaginative. They are trying to figure out what their boundaries are again. Where they belong. Your teenager wants and needs your unconditional love, just like before. They are discovering the world around them and in the course of learning some of these lessons there is a mess to clean up. Literally and figuratively. Consider how you reacted when your two year old flushed the third non-flushable item down the toilet in the last day. Consider the 13 year old who is doing the laundry and puts 45 pounds of clothes in at once – hey it’s faster and uses less water! It is a time of discovery. Not just for your teen, but for you. Read a book together, whether it’s aloud or you discuss a book read in silence. Take long rides. No one can just leave. And talk and talk and talk. Ask questions that begin, “So tell me about….” And “What do you think about…..?” Don’t stop. Don’t give up. You did build a good foundation and it’s time to build the next floor.
If there is a group MOMMMMy and ME group for this age group, please let me know.
By the way, "A" called today. Wanted to know how much ricotta to use in lasagna. :-)
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Eleanor Rigby
Look at all the lonely people. Where do they all come from?
More importantly, WHY are there so many lonely people? We see them at the end of exit ramps; people who constantly have to be talking into their bluetooth as they walk through the store or while the cashier at the bank attempts to complete a transaction; the young adult who always has earplugs so they hear human voice, but can avoid human contact; the kindergartener who only wants to hang on to mommy just a little longer or the junior in high school who can't understand calculus and is afraid to ask a question for fear he/she would appear "stupid". Where do they all belong?
What about a parent who longs to hold their child and because of distance or circumstance cannot. A parent who longs to hold their child they haven't met yet. A lonliness like no other. Both child and parent ask "What did I do to deserve this?" How do you console someone who no matter how much YOU care or empathize cannot fill this hole in their heart and soul? No matter how many friends and family hold you and love you, if the person you long for is not there you are lonely.
Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
More importantly, WHY are there so many lonely people? We see them at the end of exit ramps; people who constantly have to be talking into their bluetooth as they walk through the store or while the cashier at the bank attempts to complete a transaction; the young adult who always has earplugs so they hear human voice, but can avoid human contact; the kindergartener who only wants to hang on to mommy just a little longer or the junior in high school who can't understand calculus and is afraid to ask a question for fear he/she would appear "stupid". Where do they all belong?
What about a parent who longs to hold their child and because of distance or circumstance cannot. A parent who longs to hold their child they haven't met yet. A lonliness like no other. Both child and parent ask "What did I do to deserve this?" How do you console someone who no matter how much YOU care or empathize cannot fill this hole in their heart and soul? No matter how many friends and family hold you and love you, if the person you long for is not there you are lonely.
Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
Friday, February 16, 2007
It's All About Me
If only. It's never about one person. Everything we do affects those around us, whether it's good, bad or indifferent. I truly strive to keep everyone happy around me, without forgetting about myself. 'Cause if mama isn't happy - nobody is. It's hard sometimes to find a corner where I can just unwind from a day at work, taking care of a home, my husband (who really does try), 2 grown/married children, one in college, 3 cats and 2 dogs who all look to me as the safety zone. Over the past 2 decades I've built the "zone" and I'm proud of it.
I have 3 sisters, one brother and their families and my mom; two sister-in-laws, their husbands and grown children and living with us, my mother-in-law. Some live close by and a few do not.. My dad died 7 years ago in May and I miss him terribly;
I LOVE to cook. I play bunko and started a bookclub so I still have time with friends. I take classes at the university where I work - not every semester, there is a limit. Stop learning, you might as well die. This blog is another thing I'm doing for myself but like I said in the beginning, it's never about one person. I hope this can be YOUR "Safety Zone"
I have 3 sisters, one brother and their families and my mom; two sister-in-laws, their husbands and grown children and living with us, my mother-in-law. Some live close by and a few do not.. My dad died 7 years ago in May and I miss him terribly;
I LOVE to cook. I play bunko and started a bookclub so I still have time with friends. I take classes at the university where I work - not every semester, there is a limit. Stop learning, you might as well die. This blog is another thing I'm doing for myself but like I said in the beginning, it's never about one person. I hope this can be YOUR "Safety Zone"
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